How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 by Joanna FaberMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
If I could give this book 10 stars, I would do so. It is my new go-to choice for a baby shower gift, and I will be encouraging all my friends and family members who take care of young children to read it, too. This is the most useful, practical, life-changing parenting book I have ever read or heard about! (And I'm a huge fan of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg, so this is really saying something.)
I'm a very concrete thinker much of the time, and the authors have provided example after example after example of real-life stories of parents using these techniques--ordinary, loving, exasperated parents, Just. Like. Me. You can start using the tools as you read them, even if you haven't finished the entire book first, and the results are immediately apparent. Some of it seems so obvious once you read the rationale--I mean, who doesn't need to have their feelings understood and acknowledged in order to regain the emotional space to think? (See Jim Peterson's Why Don't We Listen Better?: Communicating & Connecting in Relationships for more on going "flat-brained.") Other tools or techniques were so creative, I found myself thinking, "What a great idea!" For example, getting kids in on the problem solving by doing things like making a list or chart with pictures of what has to be done, a necessary sequence of events, alternative and acceptable choices, or [fill in your own situation here].
I've already reduced my own tendency to get frustrated with my kids and yell (not eliminated, mind you, and that's addressed at the end...spoiler alert: even the best of parents still get angry sometimes!), which has improved the behavior of everyone in my household. With more practice, I hope to get even better at remembering these tools in the heat of the moment! And frankly, I'm hoping that adjusting my parenting style now will reap additional benefits as my kids grow into teenagers, when my patience will again be sorely tested.
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