How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7

How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen: A Survival Guide to Life with Children Ages 2-7 by Joanna Faber
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

If I could give this book 10 stars, I would do so. It is my new go-to choice for a baby shower gift, and I will be encouraging all my friends and family members who take care of young children to read it, too. This is the most useful, practical, life-changing parenting book I have ever read or heard about! (And I'm a huge fan of Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg, so this is really saying something.)

I'm a very concrete thinker much of the time, and the authors have provided example after example after example of real-life stories of parents using these techniques--ordinary, loving, exasperated parents, Just. Like. Me. You can start using the tools as you read them, even if you haven't finished the entire book first, and the results are immediately apparent. Some of it seems so obvious once you read the rationale--I mean, who doesn't need to have their feelings understood and acknowledged in order to regain the emotional space to think? (See Jim Peterson's Why Don't We Listen Better?: Communicating & Connecting in Relationships for more on going "flat-brained.") Other tools or techniques were so creative, I found myself thinking, "What a great idea!" For example, getting kids in on the problem solving by doing things like making a list or chart with pictures of what has to be done, a necessary sequence of events, alternative and acceptable choices, or [fill in your own situation here].

I've already reduced my own tendency to get frustrated with my kids and yell (not eliminated, mind you, and that's addressed at the end...spoiler alert: even the best of parents still get angry sometimes!), which has improved the behavior of everyone in my household. With more practice, I hope to get even better at remembering these tools in the heat of the moment! And frankly, I'm hoping that adjusting my parenting style now will reap additional benefits as my kids grow into teenagers, when my patience will again be sorely tested.

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Jo Frost's Toddler Rules: Your 5-Step Guide to Shaping Proper Behavior

Jo Frost's Toddler Rules: Your 5-Step Guide to Shaping Proper Behavior by Jo Frost
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I have always liked watching Jo Frost as "Supernanny" on TV because she works miracles with common sense and love. Her written advice is more of the same: practical, effective, logical, and based on the stages of child development. Fabulous! I especially appreciated that she gave real-world scenario examples of all her techniques, tips, and troubleshooting FAQs. That really helped me connect the theory to what it would look like in practice and when to use which method. There is nothing revolutionary or mind-blowing about the lessons in this book, but that's the point. Raising toddlers isn't rocket science, it's just structure, consistency, and discipline (in the best sense of the word), with a whole lot of patience and love. The main takeaway for me is something I usually do instinctively and will now do consciously: S.O.S. = Step back, Observe, Step in. Thanks, Supernanny!

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Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby

Secrets of the Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect, and Communicate with Your Baby by Tracy Hogg
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

I wish I'd read this book sooner!  It's the whole reason I am able to sit here on my couch in a quiet house and write this review instead of being up in my daughter's room being a human pacifier for about 2 hours, trying to get her to take a nap.  Since I read the sections on Ms. Hogg's "E.A.S.Y." system, we've been able to get our daughter to go down for naps much quicker and easier and without requiring us to rock her or pace or nurse, etc.  Now we watch for the signs she's getting tired, make sure she's got a dry diaper & a full tummy, put her in her sleep sack & darken her room, read a story if she's not too far gone already, and put her down.  She usually gives a protest cry for a couple of minutes and then conks out.  Sometimes she just conks out.  It's fantastic!!  I do have to admit, though, that I don't always stick to "E.A.S.Y." (Eat Activity Sleep You-time).  Often it's more like E.A.E.S.Y. or A.E.A.S.Y., but the main thing is that we watch for those tell-tale yawns now.

I do have a couple of cautions about the book, however.  First, it's a little unclear whether Ms. Hogg expects her audience to read the book before or after the baby is born.  She talks a lot about getting to know your baby as an individual, which you can't do until s/he is externally visible, but once the baby is born, you have zero time or energy for reading until long after she suggests you start following her guidelines.  So my recommendation is to read it before the baby comes and then refer back to specific sections after your little darling starts making his or her personality known.

My next caution has to do with the accuracy of some of the science, namely regarding breastfeeding and breast milk.  I very much appreciate that Ms. Hogg doesn't want any mother to feel badly about her decision to give her baby formula versus nursing and/or pumping, but in the 14 years since this book was first published, there have indeed been scientific studies that indicate breastfeeding is better for both mother and baby.  It's not the end of the world if you have to use formula exclusively or supplementally, but it is preferable to breastfeed if you can.

And finally, my last, and definitely least, quibble is with the overuse of the word "luv."  It seems to be intended to make the book feel more folksy and less like an expert telling you what to do, but about 90% of the instances should have been cut with a lovely editor's pen.  They really started to grate on my nerves.

Bottom line, though: a good choice for expectant parents who want to be able to eat, sleep, and shower, not to mention read a book or watch Downton Abbey ever again.  You might even want to buy this one and put it on your parenting resources shelf to refer back to now and again.

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The Reading Promise: My Father and the Books We Shared

The Reading Promise: My Father and the Books We Shared by Alice Ozma
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I am so envious of The Streak. I wish my parents (or I) had thought of that when I was little--to read to me every single night until I went off to college. We were never as financially strapped as the Brozinas were, so I had opportunities Alice does not seem to have had, like going on youth group retreats and mission trips, which would have broken The Streak long before college began. Still, I wish we had tried.

The Reading Promise tells of an eccentric elementary school librarian and his equally quirky youngest daughter navigating the difficult world of single parenting with the help of a promise to read together each and every single day--no exceptions. The stability of their routine supports them through some incredibly trying times. Alice, now a recent college graduate, has a writing style which had me in turns laughing hysterically at the fish funeral, wishing desperately to comfort her pre-teen self, and ready to go to battle at her father's side over the removal of all books from the school library.

My mom, also a retired elementary school librarian & teacher, insisted I read this memoir before she returned it to the library, and I'm so thankful she did. This is a must-read for parents and grandparents (and step-parents). Reading to children enriches both the children and the adults on so many levels, the benefits are incalculable. Not to mention priceless and essential. And free!

For readers' advisors: character doorway is primary, story is secondary. No sex, violence, or bad language, so no excuses!

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A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom

A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom: Expert Advice from Other Stepmoms on How to Juggle Your Job, Your Marriage, and Your New Stepkids by Jacquelyn B. Fletcher

My rating: 5 of 5 stars


A couple of weeks ago, I was walking by the nonfiction stacks of my library and saw this book out of the corner of my eye. A coworker had put it on display. I saw it and thought, "YES! Someone wrote a book for people like me!!" Most of the books I've seen, including the excellent book Stepcoupling: Creating and Sustaining a Strong Marriage in Today's Blended Family, focus primarily on stepfamilies where both spouses bring with them children from previous relationships. This is not me. So much of what these other books have to say is only partially relevant to my situation. Not so with Fletcher's book!

I have never thought of myself as "a career gal" in the fast-talking, high-powered executive sense of the word. I am, after all, a public reference librarian. It is not likely I will ever have to worry about making more money than my husband (an IT manager). But like the women in this book, I have been in the working world for years and had no children of my own when I married my husband. I cannot adequately verbalize how great it felt to find a book like this that speaks to my situation and focuses not just on the hardships but on the joys and the things you can do to improve your family life.

That is not to say that I identified with every situation mentioned. I have never, for example, felt marginalized by church members who didn't know how to adjust for stepfamily dynamics. That concept came as a surprise to me. However, practically everything else resonated with me, to one degree or another, and not only made me feel better about both my successes and failures as a new stepmom but gave me tools and tips for improving myself and my relationships. My only complaints are 1) that once in a while it feels a little redundant, and 2) that I didn't find this book 3 or 4 years ago. Oh, how it would have saved me so much stress and heartache the past few years! Ah well.

For readers' advisors: suggest this title to women in serious relationships with men who already have children. For that matter, it also works for women in serious relationships with other women who have kids.



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Raising a Son: Parents and the Making of a Healthy Man

Raising a Son: Parents and the Making of a Healthy Man by Don Elium

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I read this book slowly, over the course of several months, and although I appreciated what the authors had to say, I think I would have been better off had I read it faster. Much of what the book covers is really Parenting 101, just targeted to boys, so it wasn't all that revelatory to me personally. However, I think there are thousands--maybe millions--of parents out there who would GREATLY benefit from reading and internalizing this book, given the wretched parenting I see all too often where I work (in a public library).

What I especially like about this book is how the chapters are organized, so you can choose to read the whole thing in order, as I did, or skip to the sections most relevant your own son's stage of development or circumstances. And they included further references and resources at the end of each age-specific section. I'm reading an older edition, so some of the references are a little outdated and might be hard to find, but they probably fixed that for the newer edition.

I also especially liked the examples and stories included throughout. They helped ground and explain the theories in a very concrete, practical manner. The authors have extensive experience, especially Don, who is a marriage, family, and child counselor, and they really seem to know their stuff!



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Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different--And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men

Raising Boys: Why Boys Are Different-And How to Help Them Become Happy and Well-Balanced Men by Steve Biddulph


My rating: 4 of 5 stars

If all parents of boys read this book (and learned from it), the world would be a much better place. It's written primarily for fathers, although there is also a chapter specifically for single mothers, but as a soon-to-be-stepmom, I got a lot out of it, too. It explains and confirms so much of what I have observed and experienced! And it gives some practical advice on what to do, how to raise boys at different stages in their lives, so that they grow up to be excellent men. It's easy to read and not terribly long. This is another book I am thinking about buying to use as a reference.

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Why Don't You Understand?

Why Don't You Understand?: Improve Family Communication with the Four Thinking Styles by Susie Leonard Weller

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars

It's going to take a few more read-throughs and a lot of practice to master the habits and techniques Susie teaches in this book, but I think the effort will really pay off in the end.

Before I went to the conference session Susie led last month on Whole-Brain thinking, I would have described myself as a "left-brained" thinker, with a preference for the logical, linear types of thought-processes. Then I went through her exercises and discovered that actually I am split about 60/40 between quadrant "B" (Practical) and quadrant "C" (Relational), with only a tiny bit of preference for "A" (Logical), and no preference at all for quadrant "D" (Creative--this part was no surprise at all). Research shows that it takes 100% MORE energy for the brain to function in the quadrant diagonally opposite to a person's personal preference, but practicing can make it easier to do. This explains why being creative is possible but so exhausting for me! :}

Given my aforementioned preference for practicality, what I loved most about this book were the examples of dialogue & real-life applications/situations. What I wished there were more of...were yet more examples. :) But I think what is of the most value is the chance to think about and respect other people's ways of thinking and points of view. Ideally, both parents (or any adults in any situation) can learn to calm down, slow down, and make better decisions that work for everyone involved. Like, for example, adapting bedtime so that the practical-thinking child has a routine, the creative child gets to pick a transportation method (i.e. piggyback or magic carpet ride), the logical child understands why the rules exist, and the relational child gets the snuggle time s/he craves.

I highly recommend this book to all adults, but especially those who have kids with opposite thinking styles.


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Grace (Eventually): Thoughts on Faith

Grace [Eventually]: Thoughts on Faith by Anne Lamott

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars

It took a while for me to get into the swing of this book. Partly, I think, because I read it entirely during lunch breaks. But mostly it was a little slow in the beginning because I was unfamiliar with Anne Lamont's personal history and style. In her teens and twenties she was a drug user and an alcoholic, and although she's been sober for more than twenty years now, she still talks in her essays about her early years...a little too cavalierly, in my opinion. Something about the way she almost assumes that experimenting with drugs is normal and quite to be expected just really rubs me the wrong way.

On the other hand, her essays are often amusing, and I LOVE her politics, her support for libraries, and her view of faith (i.e. a faith full of love and compassion rather than forcing your narrow beliefs down everyone else's throats). I can see why this book was last month's choice for the book group at my church.


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