Four Nights With the Duke

Four Nights With the Duke by Eloisa James
My rating: 1 of 5 stars

Negative 500 stars, really.

I give up. I struggled to listen to 19 chapters' worth, but I simply can't take it any more. This book is AWFUL!! The narrator's breathy, sleazy voice exacerbates the Ick Factor so badly that I almost didn't make it past the first chapter. In retrospect, I kind of wish I had given up right away and not wasted my time listening to such a wretched travesty of storytelling.

Mia is secretly a popular author of ridiculous Gothic romance novels, but when she's jilted at the alter a month before the deadline her deceased brother imposed on her to marry in order to remain guardian of her nephew, her money doesn't help. She resorts to blackmailing the son of her father's lover into marrying her right away. Their parents caused scandal with their 20-year relationship and more scandal by dying together in a fire at an inn, and further association with the Carrington family is the last thing Vander wants, so he's pretty livid. Stupidly, he doesn't read the letter she leaves with him explaining the terms, which include dissolving the marriage as soon as Charlie's safety is assured. Instead, he burns that letter but does NOT burn the one she also leaves with him that proves his mentally ill father was also treasonous. (Yep, bafflingly moronic decision.)

I'm still not sure why she felt she had to resort to blackmail instead of just telling him the truth and asking for his help. If he'd understood her predicament and met Charlie at the beginning, not to mention the sociopathic uncle scheming to control Charlie's inheritance, perhaps he wouldn't have been as furious or nasty or a complete and total jerk to her. They could have worked together to thwart her uncle and uncover the truth of what happened to her father, brother, and fiance. THAT would have been a much more interesting story for Ms. James to tell. Not to mention actually romantic as they got to know each other and gradually fell in love.

Instead, Ms. James wrote a story in which an a$$hole lusts after his new wife but treats her like garbage and still expects her to be an enthusiastic bed partner. He's controlling and vicious--his only redeeming quality is that he's nice to Charlie. Mia is supposedly independent and brave, but other than her initial determination to follow through with the blackmail, she's a spineless ninny who completely believes she's ugly and has no worth. All scenes between them were excruciatingly painful to listen to and usually resulted in me rolling my eyes, gagging, howling, grinding my teeth, and/or shouting, "THAT'S NOT HOW THAT WORKS!!!"

Case in point: every time Vander was cruel to Mia and then grabbed her, manhandled her, forced kisses on her, or in any other manner sexually assaulted her, and she went from being devastated/furious/anguished/heartbroken to instantly turned on and responsive. WHAT?!?! It's like Ms. James wished to invalidate the trauma of thousands (millions, really) of rape victims by saying, "Oh, it's OK--I know you SAID you didn't want him to touch you, but once he did, you loved it."

I so wish I could prevent Eloisa James from writing another book until she took every single one of Alison Armstrong's PAX workshops. Every. Single. One. Perhaps repeatedly, until the lessons really sunk in.

So what kept me listening through 19 dreadful chapters? I wanted to know whether Mia's uncle had murdered, bought off, or abducted her fiance on the way to the church, and whether he'd set the fire that killed her father. I can't remember how her brother supposedly died, but it wouldn't surprised me if her uncle had killed him off, too. In fact, if anyone reading this review knows the answers to these questions, I'd be grateful if you'd tell me in the comments section below!

I did like the character of Vander's drunken uncle, Sir Cuthbert (Chuffy? hard to tell with an audiobook), and I liked little Charlie. Also, I was amused at the references to Julia "Quiblet" (a.k.a. Julia Quinn, one of my favorite historical romance authors) and Lisa "Klampas" (a.k.a. Lisa Kleypas, another historical romance author).

Unless you wish to alarm your fellow drivers by shouting and gesticulating angrily at invisible people, I'd say skip this audiobook entirely. (If you do wish to freak people out during rush hour, then by all means, download this book.)

For readers' advisors: setting doorway (i.e. England, circa 1800). Swearing and sexual content. Abusive relationship.

View all my reviews

Blanche on the Lam

Blanche on the Lam by Barbara Neely
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Blanche White (yes, that's really her name) has written one too many bad checks, thanks to meager wages not promptly paid, and she's facing jail time. Panic leads her to sneak out of the courthouse during a commotion and flee, ending up bluffing her way into a job for clients she'd had to cancel on thanks to the court appearance. Luckily for Blanche, the family soon heads to their summer home in another town, providing her a place to hide out while she figures out her next steps. Her employers have dangerous secrets of their own, however, and Blanche must pry into them if she is to stay alive.

I finished reading this nearly two months ago, but it's taken me a while to try and process what I think of it. I did enjoy reading it, although it was not what I was expecting, based on the blurb. For one thing, it's set in the present day (or, well, the present day of the early 1990s when it was written), but I was terribly confused at first because it felt like something out of the 1950s or 1960s. Are there really still African American maids and gardeners and other domestic workers in North Carolina who are treated like second-class citizens or worse? I suppose there might be, given all the recent racial tensions and violence in the news lately (currently the rioting in Baltimore).

It's truly a different world from the one I know. Although we can now finally afford to pay someone to come and clean our house every couple of weeks, and we just hired a landscaping service to take care of our yard because we simply can't keep up with it, we pay them well, and I cannot fathom treating any of the people doing the work with anything less than the utmost respect and deep gratitude for the time and energy they are saving us. I don't know anyone at all who has ever had "hired help" in the manner depicted in this book, and even if anyone had, no one I know would ever treat people so badly. It's an alien concept--just as much as if this were a sci-fi novel instead of a contemporary mystery.

The sad thing is, Blanche has experienced such a long history and culture of racial bigotry and inequality, that it--understandably, if unpleasantly--colors her perspective on everything. She is intelligent, even when she doesn't make the wisest choices. She loves her adopted children, and I'd love to eat her cooking, but she has a huge chip on her shoulder that keeps her from fully bonding with Mumsfield, a mentally slow sweetheart of a young man, just because he's white and related to her employers. Keeping her distance is a defense mechanism, and her bitterness and cynicism made for difficult reading at times. It was an interesting book, and I am curious to know what the next one in the series is like.

For readers' advisors: character and setting doorways. Some crude language and, strangely enough, a couple of descriptions of Blanche adjusting her underwear when it had ridden up.

My thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the free ebook copy I received in exchange for my honest review.

View all my reviews

Shadow Scale

Shadow Scale by Rachel Hartman
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

Dragons loyal to the Comonot are battling those of the Old Ard who want to depose him and return to the days where humans were food. They claim exposure to humans taints dragons, making them impure and in need of having their memories excised. Seraphina, Queen Glisselda, and Prince Kiggins know they must gather allies to help them battle the dragons of the Old Ard in order to save the humans of Goredd, so the Queen sends Seraphina as her emissary to nearby kingdoms to persuade them to provide assistance. The journey has another purpose, however: Seraphina has read of a sort of mind-net that was once created to defend against dragons in a former time, and she resolves to seek out her fellow ityasaari (half dragons) to learn whether such a thing is possible today.

Things do not quite go as planned, of course, and Seraphina learns that another half-dragon, Jannoula, who has the ability to invade and take over the minds of other ityasaari, is searching for the same people Seraphina hopes to find. Jannoula plans to use the mind-net for her own purposes, although uncovering all the twists and turns in her devious plot will be a long, frustrating challenge for Seraphina. One by one, she watches her friends fall under the spell of Jannoula, unable to save them until she learns the secret of unlocking her own mind-fire.

There are so many things to adore about this book, but I think the saving grace for me was that it was so easy to immerse myself instantly in the world Hartman has created, no matter how little time I had to read--including sometimes just the couple of minutes it took to heat my lunch in the microwave. I had to be creative in order to carve out a few minutes (or a whole half an hour!) here and there when I could read, and with Shadow Scale, I could pick up right where I left off and be transported immediately into the world of the story. Rachel Hartman's world-building skills are outstanding.

My second favorite thing was the character development, particularly of Jannoula. You really got to see and feel sympathy for how she came to be so twisted, and you understood the guilt Seraphina felt for her inadvertent role in that. I also loved the variety of characters and relationships, including that they were so seamlessly woven into the fabric of the story.

I also appreciated that not everything was tied up with pretty little bows at the end. Don't get me wrong--I LOVE happy endings. In this case, though, it felt so much more real for some things to be left a little more open-ended. In a war, people are injured and die, and not just "the bad guys." This story takes place during wartime, with some battles occurring far from a traditional battlefield.

Many thanks to NetGalley for the free Advanced Reader's Copy of the ebook for this fantastic sequel to Seraphina!

For readers' advisors: setting, character, and story doorways are strong. Language, too, given the many words Hartman has invented. There is no sex, and if I recall correctly, any swearing uses made-up words or phrases. The violence is not at all graphic and mostly happens "off-screen." It's LGBT-friendly.

View all my reviews

As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride

As You Wish: Inconceivable Tales from the Making of The Princess Bride by Cary Elwes
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

My favorite thing about listening to the audiobook version of Cary Elwes' book was hearing many of the actual people involved with The Princess Bride voice their memories of making the film. It felt like they were sitting down with me and having a nice chat about the The Good Ol' Days, telling funny stories and reminiscing. How often do you get the chance to do that with the characters of your favorite childhood movie?

I still remember going on a rare movie date with my mom when I was about 12. We went to the Sellwood Theater (that no longer exists) and saw a double feature of La Bamba and The Princess Bride. Both were good movies, but The Princess Bride...ohhhh, yeah, that was the first of about 3 dozen viewings over the years. I can't wait until my daughter is old enough to see it on DVD with me.

Elwes' book is a must-read (or must-listen) for anyone who loves the movie. I adored hearing all kinds of stories about how and where they filmed different parts, all the background context and personalities. Like, for example, that the scene when the Prince & Count Rugen catch Buttercup & Westley as they emerge from the Fire Swamp, and the Count knocks Westley out with the handle of his sword--that was Cary Elwes collapsing unconscious to the ground because Christopher Guest accidentally bonked him too hard. OOPS! :D

The only (small) quibble I have with the audiobook version is that much of the time Cary Elwes, who narrates his own memoir, somehow manages to come off sounding ever so slightly pompous. Not in what he's saying, but in his tone, which I would have preferred to be a little more conversational. I kept envisioning him in the studio reading his book, whereas all the actors and the director who recorded their own memories sounded like they were simply telling stories to friends.

Still, it's a delightful love fest of mutual admiration, which makes a pleasant change from the usual spiteful tell-all memoirs. I was sad when the book came to a close. It felt like I had to say goodbye to my friends, which is apparently how they all felt at the end of filming.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a beloved DVD to re-watch....

View all my reviews

The Same Sky

The Same Sky by Amanda Eyre Ward
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

The Same Sky is the story of Carla, a young girl living in the slums of Tegucigalpa, Honduras, and Alice, a childless woman who co-owns a BBQ restaurant with her husband in Austin, Texas. Carla's mother paid a coyote to smuggle her into the US when Carla was about seven years old and her younger brothers were babies. She's been sending a little money back to Honduras ever since, to help support Carla, the boys, and Carla's grandmother, and as soon as she could afford it, she paid a coyote to bring one of the boys to her in Austin, Texas. By the time Carla is twelve, life in the slums has become too difficult, and Carla realizes she must make the brutal journey north to America if she's to have any hope of saving her little brother, Junior. The immigrant experience is a waking nightmare, and only faith keeps Carla going.

Alice and her husband, Jake, have a thriving business, but their home life has been shattered by an adoption that fell through one night after they brought home a newborn baby boy. After being unable to conceive, they tried surrogacy and then adoption, and the latest disappointment drives a wedge in their close relationship as they struggle to grieve in totally separate ways.

The story is told in alternating chapters, and Carla's chapters held my attention a little bit better than Alice's, although both were gut-wrenching in their own ways. I just felt like Alice was a tiny bit obnoxious and unprepared to be a mother (at least based on the awkward and inept way she went about being a "Big Sister" to a troubled teen at a troubled local high school). I wanted to shake some sense into her sometimes, whereas with Carla, I longed to scoop her into my arms and shield her from any more harm.  Their stories don't intersect until the very end, and not quite in the way I had predicted.  The Same Sky is both wonderful and heartbreaking.  Keep the Kleenex box handy, although sometimes I was too stunned to even cry.  Carla's story was especially haunting, and I frequently wished I could change the events in her life--just rewind a bit, and it would all be OK again, right?

I received a free ebook copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for my honest review, although in the end, in order to get the book read, I listened to a downloadable audiobook version I checked out from my library.

I'm not sure whether this was intended to be "Christian fiction," but Carla's faith plays a huge role in her story, and faith (or the lack thereof) plays a part in Alice's story as well.

For readers' advisors: character doorway is primary, setting secondary. There is some bad language, drug use by minors, rape, and some references to sex.

View all my reviews

Jo Frost's Toddler Rules: Your 5-Step Guide to Shaping Proper Behavior

Jo Frost's Toddler Rules: Your 5-Step Guide to Shaping Proper Behavior by Jo Frost
My rating: 5 of 5 stars

I have always liked watching Jo Frost as "Supernanny" on TV because she works miracles with common sense and love. Her written advice is more of the same: practical, effective, logical, and based on the stages of child development. Fabulous! I especially appreciated that she gave real-world scenario examples of all her techniques, tips, and troubleshooting FAQs. That really helped me connect the theory to what it would look like in practice and when to use which method. There is nothing revolutionary or mind-blowing about the lessons in this book, but that's the point. Raising toddlers isn't rocket science, it's just structure, consistency, and discipline (in the best sense of the word), with a whole lot of patience and love. The main takeaway for me is something I usually do instinctively and will now do consciously: S.O.S. = Step back, Observe, Step in. Thanks, Supernanny!

View all my reviews

Jane and the Twelve Days of Christmas

Jane and the Twelve Days of Christmas by Stephanie Barron
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

It's Christmas time, and Jane Austen, her sister Cassandra, and their mother are on the way to visit their brother James and his family for the holidays. They have a mishap enroute, thanks to their brother's parsimony, and end up meeting a handsome stranger on his way to the home of mutual friends, which eventually leads to an invitation for the whole family to join the house party at The Vyne. Unfortunately, a young man dies while they are visiting, and Jane determines it was murder.

She's not alone in her sleuthing this time, for the handsome stranger turns out to be Raphael West, an artist and government agent, and the two of them work together to solve the crime. Jane isn't completely sure she can trust Mr. West, despite their mutual attraction, but she has few options, especially when a second person dies under suspicious circumstances.

I loved all the historical details in this volume--from James' wife Mary's hypochondria to the 12 outfits Cassandra and Jane sewed for their niece's doll as gifts for each of the 12 nights of Christmas. These elements really made the story come alive for me. If Stephanie Barron's Mary Austen is anything like the real Mary Austen was, it's a miracle no one smothered her in her sleep. She is so utterly self-absorbed, she makes for good comic relief, though!

Unfortunately, I struggled to keep straight the names and relationships between a few of the secondary characters, and it slowed down my reading tremendously when I had to stop and go back to look up their connections to each other. This was partly due to my only having time to read during lunch breaks, which wasn't Ms. Barron's fault at all. However, since those characters ended up being central to the mystery, it made for some rough going some of the time.

The other thing that frustrated me was that Jane seemed to ignore some rather obvious clues, which is unusual for this series. I kept wishing I could be like Tuesday Next in the Jasper Fforde Eyre Affair series and jump right in to the book and talk to the characters. I felt like Jane could have wrapped up the case faster if she had paid more attention. On the other hand, the resolution felt somewhat hasty and unsatisfying, albeit realistic.

Bottom line? It's a fun historical cozy mystery, worth the read, but not the best in the series. Still, I'm sad that there can't be many more of these books to come, given that Jane died in her early 40s.

For readers' advisors: setting and story doorways. No sex, bad language, or onscreen violence.

I originally was approved to read a free eGalley copy through NetGalley in exchange for my honest review, but I didn't download it soon enough, so in the end I checked out a copy from my library. Same review, though. :)

View all my reviews